OppositeRule

I’ve been listening to Srila Prabhupada’s audio recordings nearly every day for a while, and a few days ago I completed hearing the whole 19 CD collection.  It’s over 1,000 hours of Srila Prabhupada, and most of the MP3s I’ve heard more than once.  For me, nothing compares to hearing Srila Prabhupada for purifying my consciousness, driving out maya, putting my mind at ease, and reminding me of Krishna.  I couldn’t wait to start over with MP3 CD#1.

There’s been a lot of commotion recently over the 500 or so tapes that the Bhaktivedanta Archives has yet to release, and I even helped promote the petition for them to just do it already.  However, considering that we have so many recordings and that Krishna consciousness is conceptually simple, I would be surprised if there is anything being withheld that he hasn’t said somewhere else already.  Of course without hearing the tapes one cannot be sure, but my main interest is the tapes that never made it to the archives.

I say that with a little reserve, because I don’t have absolute PROOF, however I’ve heard many devotees talk about some large number of tapes that went missing, apparently more than one batch.  The most often number I’ve heard was about 150.

That’s hearsay, I know, certainly not the most reliable form of evidence, but there’s more.  First consider the following conversation:

Tamala Krsna: We tape everything Prabhupada says. Everything he says, we tape, whether you’re here or not here.

Guest (3): No, I don’t want to talk on the machine.

Tamala Krsna: We’re not taping for any other purpose, but our Guru Maharaja’s words are very sacred to us, so we tape all the time, whether you’re here or not here.

>>> Ref. VedaBase => Short Dissertations — May 24-25, 1977, Vrndavana

Please take note of the date too, because it’s just a few days before Srila Prabhupada announced that initiations would be conducted by rtviks after his disappearance, and (not) coincidentally also just a few days before the frequency of available audio recordings of him radically dropped.  It looks like a coup.d’ISKCON, and please read on to see why I dare suggest this.

Naturally Tamala Krsna was saying exactly what anyone would expect.  Every morning devotees would chant, “My only wish is to have my consciousness purified by the words emanating from his lotus mouth,” that being Srila Prabhupada’s lotus mouth.  These tapes would ensure that we could listen to Srila Prabupada practically forever, and others (like me) could hear him too.  I’m grateful for these recordings, and so glad that they were so diligent in recording his speaking.

When the issue of tapes being withheld arose recently, it reminded me of a document I received last year that contained copies of the records of tapes from 1977 in the Bhaktivedanta Archives’ possession.  Recently I decided to do some basic statistical analyses on these data.  I think the findings are quite interesting.

Unfortunately the data I have are interrupted in two places, so I analyzed them in three groups that are still useful for comparison.  First, the overall distribution:

The bar lengths represent the frequency of a certain number of tapes per day that are held by the archives, and third order polynomial trendlines are added to aid with visualization. For example, the tall red bar means that for May 28 to November 14, 1977, the Archives has zero tapes on over 56% of the days. One can also look at the absence of a blue bar over the zero column (to the left of the tall red line) and understand that from January 2 – 9, 1977, there were no days without tapes, or in other words, the Archives has at least one tape every day during that time period.

Notice that the first series, colored blue and dated from the beginning of January 1977, resembles a slightly irregular bell curve.  A majority of days had 2 or 3 tapes.  The second series, colored green and covering late winter 1977, is another bell curve skewed to a plateau shape.  This again would be a fairly normal distribution.  The third series, which is most interesting is not a bell curve at all.  It is a sharp decline, indicating that on most days there are ZERO tapes and the overall shape suggests that taping was abnormally rare.  Another explanation that seems more likely, given other circumstances briefly discussed below, is that some tapes were hidden or secretly destroyed. I have heard multiple accounts of devotees claiming some knowledge of that happening.

The first set, below, goes from January 2, 1977, to January 9, 1977.  In this series there were an average of 2.875 tapes per day, with the most often number of tapes being 2, with that number on 37.5% of the days. Every day had at least one tape.

The second series, below, goes from January 22, 1977, to March 2, 1977, with an average of 2.375 tapes per day.   In this group, we had a fairly even distribution of numbers of tapes per day, with five days without any tapes, eight days each with 1, 2, 3, and 4 tapes, and three days with 5 tapes.

The third series, which coincidentally went from May 28, 1977, to November 14, 1977, was the most interesting.  In this time period there was an average of only 0.8 tapes per day.  More than half the days (56.14%) have 0 tapes.  The distribution was as follows:

Probably the most notable anomaly was that during one stretch (August 18 – October 1) there were 45 days in a row with zero tapes!  In the 85 days between July 9 and October 2, there were only 15 tapes.  That’s only 1.2 tapes per WEEK, compared to almost 2.5 tapes per DAY before the May 28, 1977, data presented here.  Has a plausible explanation been given for the dearth of tapes at that time? This is precisely when I would expect Srila Prabhupada to be responding to questions about the July 9, 1977, document and elaborating on how he wanted initiations to be conducted after his disappearance.

One may assume that Srila Prabhupada was too ill to speak, but in Tamal Krsna Gosvami’s diary there is an entry dated 4 September 1977
which definitely contradicts that idea:

Prabhupada announced, “As soon as I get green card, I will go to New York.”
“How long will you stay there?” I asked.
“As long as you like.”
“Srila Prabhupada, you are just like a cow.  You will go wherever we lead you, but you never stop giving milk.”
“That is because I am a surabhi cow. …”

It sounds like a nice discussion; too bad we can’t listen to it. Two days later the Vedabase shows there is a letter dictated by him indicating that he was at the Bhaktivedanta Manor, mentioning his frail health but is clearly very spunky and says he is looking forward to touring all over the world to see all his disciples and the temples again. Obviously he was speaking, so there must be another reason why there are no tapes.

I think Tamal Krsna Gosvami gives the real answer here:

“Actually Prabhupada never appointed any gurus. He appointed eleven ritviks. He never appointed them gurus. Myself and the other GBC have done the greatest disservice to this movement the last three years because we interpreted the appointment of ritviks as the appointment of gurus.”  (December 3, 1980)

In order to scrap the rtvik system Srila Prabhupada established and institute a zonal acarya system instead, any relevant instructions Srila Prabhupada may have given would have needed to be suppressed. Don’t believe for a moment that Tamal Krsna’s confession was entirely honest. He could not have misinterpreted what Srila Prabhupada was saying. If he were fully honest, he would have said “fraudulently interpreted.”

A little over a year before Srila Prabhupada’s disappearance, he made this strong statement:

“Why this Gaudiya Matha failed? Because they tried to become more than guru. He, before passing away, he gave all direction and never said that “This man should be the next acarya.” But these people, just after his passing away they began to fight, who shall be acarya. That is the failure. They never thought, “Why Guru Maharaja gave us instruction so many things, why he did not say that this man should be acarya?” They wanted to create artificially somebody acarya and everything failed. They did not consider even with common sense that if Guru Maharaja wanted to appoint somebody as acarya, why did he not say? He said so many things, and this point he missed? The real point? And they insist upon it. They declared some unfit person to become acarya. Then another man came, then another, acarya, another acarya. So better remain a foolish person perpetually to be directed by Guru Maharaja. That is perfection.”

>>> Ref. VedaBase => Room Conversation — August 16, 1976, Bombay

Considering Srila Prabhupada’s obvious frustration with his godbrothers’ failed attempt to appoint gurus independent of any order from Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati, it is completely unbelievable that Srila Prabhupada would be negligent in the matter of giving clear orders on the subject of guru succession in ISKCON.  Sometimes devotees say that the matter of guru succession was obvious, and that everyone knew whatever that particular devotee thinks.  But it was certainly not obvious, and the proof of this was the fact that Satsvarupa, speaking on behalf of the GBC, felt the need to ask Srila Prabhupada directly:

Satsvarupa: …Then our next question concerns initiations in the future, particularly at that time when you’re no longer with us. We want to know how first and second initiation would be conducted.

Prabhupada: Yes. I shall recommend some of you. After this is settled up, I shall recommend some of you to act as Officiating-Acaryas.

Tamala Krsna: Is that called Rtvik-Acarya?

Prabhupada: Rtvik. Yes.

(May 28, 1977)

If the GBC already knew the answer to this based on Srila Prabhupada’s prior teachings, then they would not have wasted his time asking that. I’ve read the complete conversation on that topic many times, and for a long time I just found it incomprehensible.  My impression was that the discussion seemed like their communication was broken, almost incoherent, like Srila Prabhupada and his disciples had different ideas in mind and could not bridge the gap.  I remember when I would get to the point where Tamal Krsna said “That’s clear,” and I would practically exclaim “What?!  That’s not clear at all!”  Then last year I finally got a clue about this and it all made sense.

I don’t know how it happened, but in 1997 the GBC passed a resolution to have this tape examined by a forensic specialist, and they employed Norman Pearle for the job.  It was the same year that Mr. Pearle was recognized as “NAIS High Tech Investigator of the Year.”  (http://www.pimall.com/nais/n.perl.html)

Mr. Pearle had this to say about the tape:

“In conclusion, this recording exhibits strong signs suggestive of falsification. I do not believe that these deficiencies might possibly be the product of some mechanical process or problem within the recording or duplication process and I believe that they exist at what is considered to be a higher degree than that of a coincidence. I strongly recommend that an independent Forensic Analysis be conducted the Master recording in order to determine the authenticity and originality of the evidence. This analysis requires what is represented as the original recording and the original tape recorder upon which this recording was represented to be made.”  (September 22, 1997)

This was the so-called “Appointment Tape” that the Zonal Acaryas claimed gave them the seats as Srila Prabhupada’s authorized successors.  It should be no great surprise that the tape was not made available to the devotees until several years after the so-called Zonal Acaryas had taken their thrones, nor is it a surprise that the GBC did not heed the investigator’s advice to provide the ORIGINAL tape and equipment for a more conclusive analysis.

Despite the fact that serious doubt about the integrity of the tape has been raised through professional forensic analysis, it still has some validity in the sense that an impeached witness can still incriminate himself. In other words, “anything you say can be used against you,” although a criminal suspect’s words in their defense are not necessarily trustworthy. Even though this tape that GBC apologists have called the “appointment tape” has been disqualified for supporting their position, they continue to quote from it out of context as if it were reliable. Still that is not a problem for their opponents, as Srila Prabhupada’s begins by indicating that initiations after his disappearance were to be conducted by rtviks and concludes by saying that they could become regular gurus only on his order, an order which he apparently never gave.

Considering all these facts along with many others too numerous to mention, I find it impossible to believe that the Zonal Acaryas erroneously thought Srila Prabhupada had appointed them as his successors.  It was fraud and an almost unimaginable offense against the parampara.  As stated by Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakur, “apujya yatra pujyante pujyanam ca vyatikramah. (In the place where those who are not to be worshiped are worshiped, there is offense to those who are actually worshipable.) and “pratibadhnati hi sreyah pujyapujya-vyatikramah. (Improperly understanding who is to be worshiped and who is not to be worshiped will impede one’s progress in life.)” >>> Ref. VedaBase => SB 10.74.30

They say there was reform, and many devotees want more reform so that anyone can become guru if they can somehow get an aspiring disciple, but none of it was authorized by Srila Prabhupada within ISKCON.  Srila Prabhupada’s order was abandoned practically as soon as his body stopped breathing, just as leaders ignored many of his orders even before.  Said Tamal Krsna, “Guru, oh wonderful! Now I am guru, and there is only eleven of us.” (December 3, 1980)   So now there are many gurus, and many have fallen, but none were appointed by Srila Prabhupada.  Nor is the GBC authorized to appoint or vote for them.  “A guru can become guru when he is ordered by his guru. That’s all. Otherwise nobody can become guru.”  (Srila Prabhupada Bg. Lecture. October 28, 1975)

So now I look back at the Bhaktivedanta Archives’ collection and it makes perfect sense why there are only fifteen tapes in the 12 weeks following July 9, 1977. Unfortunately it leaves to the imagination exactly what Srila Prabhupada was saying then, but any sane person would expect that he had been giving instructions on how to manage ISKCON after he was, as Satsvarupa put it, “no longer with us.” Considering so many corroborating facts, including:

• Srila Prabhupada’s response to that May 28, 1977, question, saying “officiating acarya… rtvik, yes.”,
• the forensic report saying that recording “exhibits strong signs suggestive of falsification,”
• the content of the July 9, 1977, letter, with its opening reference to the question of initiations after Srila Prabhupada’s disappearance,
• Srila Prabhupada’s apparent choice to not name any successor acaryas,
• Srila Prabhupada’s criticism of his godbrothers’ disobedience to their guru in the matter of succession,
• the obvious desire of the 11 appointed rtviks to illegitimately capture the title of acarya,
• numerous self-appointed and voted-in guru fall-downs,
• the extensive corruption in ISKCON’s history,
• one devotee’s testimony of personally hearing Srila Prabhupada say in early July that he wanted the rtvik system to continue,
• various reports devotees have given about tapes that disappeared,
• Tamal Krsna’s assertion that everything Srila Prabhupada spoke had to be recorded,
• proof that Srila Prabhupada was speaking and even travelling during the period of no tapes,
• and many other facts,

…the conclusion becomes obvious. These tapes are gone because that was necessary for railroading Srila Prabhupada’s order for initiation to be conducted by rtviks on his behalf and the creation of false acaryas instead. The next question is what to do about it.

Hare Krishna.

P.S.  Source Data is available for download here:  Source Data (76)

Hare Krishna. A few days ago we had an exciting event in my family. My son, Caitanya Gopala Howard, whose hair has been getting longer since his birth in June 2008, got shaved up. It was pretty strange for all of us at first, but I think we’re getting used to it. It’s really nice, I think.

I’ve been keeping a sikha and shaving once or twice a week for several years, and it’s good that now he looks more like his dad than his mother and sisters. He always gets excited when we have kirtan, and he loves to play the mrdanga. He even has his own kid-size mrdanga and is surprisingly good with it. So now he looks the part too.

I wonder what his grandparents will say. “Hare Krishna,” I hope.

Although I began this blog with the full intention of describing how wonderful is the process of advancing in devotional service from my perspective, many readers have remarked that it’s overly negative. In fact, the theme of this blog is in describing my journey, and I’ve stuck to that even though it’s not been nearly as smooth and ecstatic as I expected. Although it may not be as inspiring to some people, I still think it has value.

But why must I be negative, peope ask. I don’t see it that way. To advance in any endeavor, obstacles must be overcome. What is an obstacle for one person may not be an obstacle for another, and visa versa. My challenge is that so far I have found that the men acting as gurus in Iskcon are a huge drain on my inspiration, enthusiasm, and hope for advancement in Krishna consciousness. There’s not much I can do about that externally; but it feels like they have some sort of psychic tentacles reaching into me, and I need to get them out. My writing here is a way of doing that.

I can appreciate them as aspiting devotees, but my spiritual connection is through Srila Prabhupada. Before my so-called initiation, I reluctantly accepted their version that serving them was the key to coming closer to Srila Prabhupada, but at least for me that has proven false. My initiation felt more like betraying my relationship Srila Prabhupada, and I am still struggling to recover from that mistake.

I could probably coexist peacefully even with these men posing as gurus, but they don’t allow it. They’ve labeled people like me as heretics and enemies. When I go to an Iskcon temple and someone asks me who is my guru, I’m obliged to lie. I’m not permitted to say Srila Prabhupada is my guru, and if I formally enter into a guru-disciple relationship with him, I expect I may be banned outright. At least I would have to pretend it didn’t happen.

Sometimes it’s said that one can be Srila Prabhupada’s disciple by following his instructions, but in Iskcon culture that does not hold true. For example, last year I debated with an anti-rtvik crusader, and when I did not find his arguments at all persuasive, he posted a series of derogatory e-mails about me to the “Prabhupada Disciples” PAMHO e-mail group. Because he is recognized as a disciple of Srila Prabhupada, he could do that, but I was not permitted to answer in my defense. It was only a few weeks earlier that he told me that following Srila Prabhupada makes me his disciple, but then he quickly proved the real value of that idea in Iskcon. I wonder if he noticed the irony.

This is the kind of stuff that has been going on in my interfacing with Iskcon devotees lately. A few weeks ago I remarked on a Facebook status update that my predominant feeling about my initiation in the six years since has been regret. One local mataji responded saying that attitude would destroy me. I countered by questioning her judgement based on the fact that she was worshipping a guru who, as a somewhat elderly sannyasi, had tried to have sex with his disciple, who was married to another disciple, after several years of manipulating her life based on his lust. (http://www.chakra.org/announcements/persDec26_07.html). That’s so spiritially abusive that it seems almost unreal. Being or accepting such a person as guru strikes me as a gross insult to the guru parampara. This was the same man who directly asked Srila Prabhupada on May 28, 1977, how initiations were to be conducted after his disappearance and was answered “Officiating Acarya,” a.k.a. “Rtvik.” Yet he went on to be a zonal acarya instead, which put him in a position to accept his crush as a disciple. He and his GBC/guru peers concealed Srila Prabhupada’s answer to the May 28 question for many years (the Lilamrta version is vastly different from the various transcriptions), undoubtedly because it stood as a threat to their desire to enjoy the role of guru. Even the tape itself was apparently doctored, as revealed in a professional forensic analysys commissioned by the GBC. How anyone can trust these people is beyond my comprehension.

Then in the past week one devotee took it upon himself to harrass me. I posted to the PAMHO Free Forum a link to the petition for the release of the rest of Srila Prabhupada’s audio recordings, which prompted a personal response from the Bhaktivedanta Archives. Then somehow this other devotee, who had harrassed me before before in e-mail, in the comments here, and in an online devotee forum. This instance was similar to the others, with his telling others that I’m just like a barking dog and should be ignored. As it turned out, I figured out that ignoring him was the only way to make him go away.

So I have so many people like this always trying to intrude on my sacred relationship with the man whom I’ve accepted as spiritual master and whom I believe intended to accept people like me. It is highly offensive to me, and sometimes it makes me angry. All I want to do is cultivate my relationship with Srila Prabhupada and with Krishna, being accepted in their temples, and not have people trying to force me to do it their way. For me, putting my spiritual life in the hands of another man is very difficult to do, but I trust Srila Prabhupada. I do not trust these other men at all, and I think there are more than enough reasons why.

This is my life, or at least part of it. My spiritual life at home is very nice, peaceful, and happy. But these self-appointed and voted-in gurus are a big obstacle to me, and moving forward includes getting their influence out of my life. I also feel like I should be free to attend and serve at the temples Srila Prabhupada established. I think he would want that. Ignoring the gurus won’t make them go away, so here I am writing and working through my issues with a little hope that a few more people will understand. Hare Krishna.

P.s. Please forgive any typing errors; I’m using thumbs on a BlackBerry.

It was 1999 and I had gone to Mangala Arati at the Philadelphia Temple one Sunday morning. I lived about a half-hour drive from there (maybe a little quicker at 4 a.m.), but it was something I wanted to do. My family was new in the area, and my job was only one mile from the temple so had started getting lunch there frequently and visiting with my wife and daughter on Sundays.

So, after the morning program we had breakfast, and there was plenty extra so someone told me to take a plate home. So I got the plate and a few minutes later I passed near Ravindra. He looked at my plate and then at me, like one might look at a thief. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, and a few minutes later one devotee apologetically told me he had to ask if I was giving donations. I replied that every Sunday I was giving my daughter money to put in the box. He asked me to write a monthly check so they could see how much I was giving. I said that since I was already doing $20/week, would $80 a month be ok? He seemed to think that was a very nice donation. I’m not sure if he knew that we were quite poor, but it was actually a lot of money for us.

Unfortunately it wasn’t a very good first impression. I felt insulted and did not appreciate being treated like a potential thief. It was a huge buzz-kill following the morning program. But worse was that it was the end of teaching my little girl to put money in the box whenever we go to the temple, because I was already giving as much I could afford by check.

I haven’t thought about that in a long time, but it just came back vividly to me today.  Mostly when I think of Ravindra now, it is remembering how he led a meeting at my local temple two years ago when he said that the rtviks were enemies of ISKCON.  Hearing that made me curious why devotees would support a view that was strongly opposed by the GBC, and upon careful investigation of the issue I could not help but conclude that the rtviks were right.  So now I’m burdened with the knowledge that the co-GBC who rules over my local temple considers me an enemy, even though he probably doesn’t know it.  I’m always amazed at how the modern gurus have the phenomenal ability to drain me of my natural inspiration for Krishna consciousness.  Is it any wonder why I just want to focus on Srila Prabhupada and Krishna?

I haven’t been writing much here in the past several months, I think largely because its being fed to PlanetISKCON. My relationship with Iskcon just isn’t what I hoped it would be. I feel like Iskcon has chewed me up and spit me out, and so it’s hard to write on the bright side all the time. So what usually happens is that I write but do not publish the drafts.

That’s not why I created this blog. I started it to document my experiences pursuing Krishna consciousness, which, at the time, I thought would be increasingly estatic. Circumstances changed a few months later, but I felt it was only right that I keep writing anyway. Some devotees didn’t like what they saw, and they called my guru. He then called and ordered me to stop writing, threatening to stop my training for second initiation. His threat didn’t work, and instead I lost respect for him. That was just one factor in a series of disturbing interactions with him and some others during that time period.

Skip forward a few years, and I became convinced that Srila Prabhupada never authorized anyone to take disciples, and instead intended to continue initiating via rtviks. Iskcon calls this heresy and labels such believers as enemies, but their position has no basis. They used to have official position papers, but I’ve heard they were rescinded due to false facts. Now there’s just a paragraph order in Iskcon Law.

Anyway, last year my views were brought to the attention of our temple president, who requested that I not take up this issue with devotees in the our community. I thought it seemed fair, considering the GBC’s fear of rtvik supporters, but in practice it often leads to awkwardness. It makes me sometimes feel reluctant about coming around. I need to be me, and but that’s not acceptable.

Last weekend, a week before Gaura Purnima, we had a temple meeting that was predominantly about sending the temple Deities away. Most of the devotees were pretty upset, but I didn’t feel like there was much I could say because I don’t have second initiation and can’t help with Deity service. After the meeting, during prasad, the TP’s wife asked my wife and me our views, and I said that I don’t have much I can say because I don’t have second initiation. She was surprised, and asked if I was aspiring for it.

I mostly just said No. What else could I say? I was rejected for second initiation and lost faith in my Iskcon guru. I don’t even consider him my real guru anymore, because I don’t believe in Iskcon’s method of initiating disciples. I’ve given a lot of thought to my position now, and really I don’t believe my first initiation was genuine. For this reason I prefer using my English name, Paul Howard, but still sometimes use the name Pandu Das to avoid excessive awkwardness. Rejecting my Sanskrit name at the temple would open that whole can of worms that I agreed to avoid.

Then during the feast on Gaura Purnima, one devotee asked me if I had cooked anything. I hadn’t, and it was awkward because my reasons for not doing so were complicated and I wasn’t at liberty to get into it. I said that I thought only second initiated devotees were permitted to cook for the Deities. I realize that exceptions can be made in emergencies, but I hadn’t been informed of any such concession. Really, though, I’m a little bitter about this. A substantial part of me feels that if Krishna wanted me to cook for Him, He would not have given me an Iskcon-guru who would reject me for second initiation simply for writing honestly about my feelings and experiences in Iskcon.

Ironically, I’m still fighting similar restraints, though now it’s unspoken. I know some local devotees read my blog, presumably through PlanetISKCON. In general I feel like the PlanetISKCON community wants a certain style of writing, and where I’m at doesn’t fit. Certainly I did not intend to develop a non-ecstatic relationship with Iskcon but it happened anyway. I just want to take shelter of Srila Prabhupada, and Iskcon doesn’t like that at all. I don’t know how long I can put on a facade at the Iskcon temple scene, because it’s very unsatisfying and not good for my spiritual life. One should not have to choose between being honest and being in the association of devotees.

As Srila Prabhupada said, “Kut??n?t??, or diplomatic behavior, cannot satisfy the ?tm?, the soul. It cannot even satisfy the body or the mind. The culprit mind is always suspicious; therefore our dealings should always be straightforward and approved by Vedic authorities. If we treat people diplomatically or duplicitously, our spiritual advancement is obstructed.”

http://vedabase.net/cc/madhya/19/159/

Hare Krishna.

New petition to “Release All Srila Prabhupada’s Unpublished Audio Now.”

http://www.petitiononline.com/vani/petition.html

There’s been a lot of Internet Hare Krishna chatter lately about membership in ISKCON, and it’s a subject that I’ve been thinking about as it relates to me personally.  In an ideal world, there would be no question for me.  When I began my aspiration for devotional service, Krishna said to get some association of His devotees, and automatically I thought of ISKCON, even neglecting some subtle warnings He gave.  Some years later, when I was first confronted by the rtvik issue, I decided to put off investigating it primarily because all my friends were in ISKCON and I did not want to be alienated or forced out of their association.  Unfortunately, we’re not in an ideal world.

I remember after a few years of pursuing Krishna consciousness, I observed the peculiar fact that my devotional life seemed stronger when I did not have much devotee association.  In fact, I’ve been through a handful of major and minor crises due to the influence of ISKCON devotees.  Some of the bigger ones were when we found out about the New Vrindavana crimes while living there (1998), learning of the gurukula child abuse (1999), and being driven out of Gita-nagari for speaking up in opposition to a child molester who was praised by a few big gurus (2005).  Somehow I managed to bounce back after each of these tribulations, but I’m beginning to wonder if there is a broader message that I’ve been suppressing, which is that perhaps I should reconsider my identity as a member of ISKCON.

It’s beginning to seem that if I don’t make a decision on this, it will be made for me.  One devotee friend of mine was banned from Gita-nagari several years ago, so he finally built a small temple himself, a short walk down the road from the Gita-nagari driveway.  Actually he once mentioned to me that his land was a part of the original Gita-nagari purchase, so he considers it also Gita-nagari, though I’m sure the ISKCON leadership would see it differently.  Despite being forced out of the main devotee community, this gentleman has remained faithful to Srila Prabhupada and very enthusiastic in his spiritual life.  I presume he has some personal flaws like the rest of us, but I admire his determination and demeanor, especially after what he’s been through.  Naturally when he called me to announce the opening of his new temple, I was eager to attend.

There were just a few devotees at the temple opening, and ironically I heard later that the Sunday Feast at the ISKCON temple was cancelled that day.  Apparently the Gita-nagari Temple President is somewhat infuriated by the existence of this new temple, as evidenced by the fact that one devotee was banned from Gita-nagari for helping announce the event and cooking the feast.  Personally I think that taking such measures to deny a faithful follower of Srila Prabhupada the association of devotees on his own property is unbefitting conduct of a Vaisnava and outright cruel.  I will never be able to accept such dirty politics among devotees.  Oddly enough, for at least the past four years there has been a photo of Srila Prabhupada on the Gita-nagari bulletin board that is captioned with a quote of him saying there is no politics in Vaisnava society.  It makes me wonder what kind of society ISKCON has become.

It so happens that I’ve also been wondering if I’ve been blacklisted because of attending a few programs at the “other” temple.  A few weeks ago the temple president sent out an e-mail to community members, including several who live out of state, but my wife and I were not on the recipient’s list.  Someone forwarded the e-mail to me noting that fact, but I haven’t made an issue of it.  I’m still considering it.  Furthermore, in the e-mail the TP said he was meeting with the families in the community, but he hasn’t met with us or contacted us about it.  I can’t imagine that was an accident.  It’s beginning to seem like he doesn’t consider us a part of the community, although we have not been overtly informed of this apparent fact.

I’m a little surprised, because I thought we had a deal.  A few months ago he called me aside to discuss the fact that I believe Srila Prabhupada intended to remain the diksa guru for ISKCON.  He confirmed that I’m aware of the GBC’s position on the issue, acknowledged my family’s value in the community, and requested that I not preach my view on this subject to existing members in the Gita-nagari community.  I accepted his proposal and thought that keeping my end of the deal would be sufficient.  Now it seems maybe not.  We went to the Sunday Feast last weekend, and my wife had a cordial discussion with the TP’s wife, and I joined in after paying my respects to Srila Prabhupada and the Deities.  Though I only briefly saw the TP and didn’t get to speak with him, the vibe we got from him seemed less friendly.  I haven’t decided whether I should discuss my concerns with him or just let it go.  One thing is that at least two devotees have had articles anonymously published on the Sampradaya Sun in the past several weeks, complaining about Gita-nagari management.  It crossed my mind that I could be a suspect in that, but in fact I had nothing to do with any of those articles, nor do I know who did.

On a side note, one of the issues in the matter of ISKCON membership is the acceptance of the GBC’s authority versus the authority of the diksa guru.  This is something that remains a question from several angles, and we may see it various ways depending on whether one is wearing the hat of the GBC, the guru, the disciple, or the ISKCON member.  As I recall, there was an article and comments on Dandavats.com (heavily moderated, no doubt) a few months ago, and the issue is not resolved.  Yes, more than thirty years after Srila Prabhupada’s disappearance, they still haven’t figured out how to balance authority between the GBC and the initiating gurus.  There can only be one reason for that problem, which is that Srila Prabhupada didn’t give any guidance on it.  It really is an important issue, and I can’t believe Srila Prabhupada would have entirely neglected it, except for one simple reason:  He did not intend there to be initiating gurus in ISKCON, other than himself, just as he was doing before.  Take that one fact, which is supported by abundant evidence, and the problem ceases to exist.

Of course, my saying that could get me banned from ISKCON, but what can I do?  I became an aspiring devotee because of seeking the absolute truth; not for society, friendship, and so-called love.  I can’t change my view unless I’m convinced that another view is superior, and the threat to revoke my membership has exactly the opposite effect.  What this comes down to is that I like being a part of ISKCON but I don’t depend on ISKCON for my relationship with Srila Prabhupada or with Krishna.  If ISKCON wants aspiring devotees like me, I’m here and available along with my family; but if push comes to shove, I’d rather give up my membership than my ideals.  Hare Krishna.

• Went out to lunch today and happened to meet a Hare Krishna Indian vaisya. Thanks again to tilak and sikha, says Hare Krishna all the time. #

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