OppositeRule

Remembering my first impression of Ravindra Svarupa

It was 1999 and I had gone to Mangala Arati at the Philadelphia Temple one Sunday morning. I lived about a half-hour drive from there (maybe a little quicker at 4 a.m.), but it was something I wanted to do. My family was new in the area, and my job was only one mile from the temple so had started getting lunch there frequently and visiting with my wife and daughter on Sundays.

So, after the morning program we had breakfast, and there was plenty extra so someone told me to take a plate home. So I got the plate and a few minutes later I passed near Ravindra. He looked at my plate and then at me, like one might look at a thief. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, and a few minutes later one devotee apologetically told me he had to ask if I was giving donations. I replied that every Sunday I was giving my daughter money to put in the box. He asked me to write a monthly check so they could see how much I was giving. I said that since I was already doing $20/week, would $80 a month be ok? He seemed to think that was a very nice donation. I’m not sure if he knew that we were quite poor, but it was actually a lot of money for us.

Unfortunately it wasn’t a very good first impression. I felt insulted and did not appreciate being treated like a potential thief. It was a huge buzz-kill following the morning program. But worse was that it was the end of teaching my little girl to put money in the box whenever we go to the temple, because I was already giving as much I could afford by check.

I haven’t thought about that in a long time, but it just came back vividly to me today. Mostly when I think of Ravindra now, it is remembering how he led a meeting at my local temple two years ago when he said that the rtviks were enemies of ISKCON. Hearing that made me curious why devotees would support a view that was strongly opposed by the GBC, and upon careful investigation of the issue I could not help but conclude that the rtviks were right. So now I’m burdened with the knowledge that the co-GBC who rules over my local temple considers me an enemy, even though he probably doesn’t know it. I’m always amazed at how the modern gurus have the phenomenal ability to drain me of my natural inspiration for Krishna consciousness. Is it any wonder why I just want to focus on Srila Prabhupada and Krishna?

awkwardness at the temple

I haven’t been writing much here in the past several months, I think largely because its being fed to PlanetISKCON. My relationship with Iskcon just isn’t what I hoped it would be. I feel like Iskcon has chewed me up and spit me out, and so it’s hard to write on the bright side all the time. So what usually happens is that I write but do not publish the drafts.

That’s not why I created this blog. I started it to document my experiences pursuing Krishna consciousness, which, at the time, I thought would be increasingly estatic. Circumstances changed a few months later, but I felt it was only right that I keep writing anyway. Some devotees didn’t like what they saw, and they called my guru. He then called and ordered me to stop writing, threatening to stop my training for second initiation. His threat didn’t work, and instead I lost respect for him. That was just one factor in a series of disturbing interactions with him and some others during that time period.

Skip forward a few years, and I became convinced that Srila Prabhupada never authorized anyone to take disciples, and instead intended to continue initiating via rtviks. Iskcon calls this heresy and labels such believers as enemies, but their position has no basis. They used to have official position papers, but I’ve heard they were rescinded due to false facts. Now there’s just a paragraph order in Iskcon Law.

Anyway, last year my views were brought to the attention of our temple president, who requested that I not take up this issue with devotees in the our community. I thought it seemed fair, considering the GBC’s fear of rtvik supporters, but in practice it often leads to awkwardness. It makes me sometimes feel reluctant about coming around. I need to be me, and but that’s not acceptable.

Last weekend, a week before Gaura Purnima, we had a temple meeting that was predominantly about sending the temple Deities away. Most of the devotees were pretty upset, but I didn’t feel like there was much I could say because I don’t have second initiation and can’t help with Deity service. After the meeting, during prasad, the TP’s wife asked my wife and me our views, and I said that I don’t have much I can say because I don’t have second initiation. She was surprised, and asked if I was aspiring for it.

I mostly just said No. What else could I say? I was rejected for second initiation and lost faith in my Iskcon guru. I don’t even consider him my real guru anymore, because I don’t believe in Iskcon’s method of initiating disciples. I’ve given a lot of thought to my position now, and really I don’t believe my first initiation was genuine. For this reason I prefer using my English name, Paul Howard, but still sometimes use the name Pandu Das to avoid excessive awkwardness. Rejecting my Sanskrit name at the temple would open that whole can of worms that I agreed to avoid.

Then during the feast on Gaura Purnima, one devotee asked me if I had cooked anything. I hadn’t, and it was awkward because my reasons for not doing so were complicated and I wasn’t at liberty to get into it. I said that I thought only second initiated devotees were permitted to cook for the Deities. I realize that exceptions can be made in emergencies, but I hadn’t been informed of any such concession. Really, though, I’m a little bitter about this. A substantial part of me feels that if Krishna wanted me to cook for Him, He would not have given me an Iskcon-guru who would reject me for second initiation simply for writing honestly about my feelings and experiences in Iskcon.

Ironically, I’m still fighting similar restraints, though now it’s unspoken. I know some local devotees read my blog, presumably through PlanetISKCON. In general I feel like the PlanetISKCON community wants a certain style of writing, and where I’m at doesn’t fit. Certainly I did not intend to develop a non-ecstatic relationship with Iskcon but it happened anyway. I just want to take shelter of Srila Prabhupada, and Iskcon doesn’t like that at all. I don’t know how long I can put on a facade at the Iskcon temple scene, because it’s very unsatisfying and not good for my spiritual life. One should not have to choose between being honest and being in the association of devotees.

As Srila Prabhupada said, “Kut??n?t??, or diplomatic behavior, cannot satisfy the ?tm?, the soul. It cannot even satisfy the body or the mind. The culprit mind is always suspicious; therefore our dealings should always be straightforward and approved by Vedic authorities. If we treat people diplomatically or duplicitously, our spiritual advancement is obstructed.”

http://vedabase.net/cc/madhya/19/159/

Hare Krishna.

New petition to “Release All Srila Prabhupada’s Unpublished Audio Now.”

http://www.petitiononline.com/vani/petition.html

Milk is compared to nectar

“In this verse, the cultivation of bhakti-yoga is compared to many material activities. By friction one can get fire from wood, by digging the earth one can get food grains and water, and by agitating the milk bag of the cow one can get nectarean milk. Milk is compared to nectar, which one can drink to become immortal. Of course, simply drinking milk will not make one immortal, but it can increase the duration of one’s life. In modern civilization, men do not think milk to be important, and therefore they do not live very long. Although in this age men can live up to one hundred years, their duration of life is reduced because they do not drink large quantities of milk. This is a sign of Kali-yuga. In Kali-yuga, instead of drinking milk, people prefer to slaughter an animal and eat its flesh. The Supreme Personality of Godhead, in His instructions of Bhagavad-gita, advises go-raksya, which means cow protection. The cow should be protected, milk should be drawn from the cows, and this milk should be prepared in various ways. One should take ample milk, and thus one can prolong one’s life, develop his brain, execute devotional service, and ultimately attain the favor of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. As it is essential to get food grains and water by digging the earth, it is also essential to give protection to the cows and take nectarean milk from their milk bags.”

>>> Ref. VedaBase => SB 8.6.12p

Personal thoughts on ISKCON membership.

There’s been a lot of Internet Hare Krishna chatter lately about membership in ISKCON, and it’s a subject that I’ve been thinking about as it relates to me personally. In an ideal world, there would be no question for me. When I began my aspiration for devotional service, Krishna said to get some association of His devotees, and automatically I thought of ISKCON, even neglecting some subtle warnings He gave. Some years later, when I was first confronted by the rtvik issue, I decided to put off investigating it primarily because all my friends were in ISKCON and I did not want to be alienated or forced out of their association. Unfortunately, we’re not in an ideal world.

I remember after a few years of pursuing Krishna consciousness, I observed the peculiar fact that my devotional life seemed stronger when I did not have much devotee association. In fact, I’ve been through a handful of major and minor crises due to the influence of ISKCON devotees. Some of the bigger ones were when we found out about the New Vrindavana crimes while living there (1998), learning of the gurukula child abuse (1999), and being driven out of Gita-nagari for speaking up in opposition to a child molester who was praised by a few big gurus (2005). Somehow I managed to bounce back after each of these tribulations, but I’m beginning to wonder if there is a broader message that I’ve been suppressing, which is that perhaps I should reconsider my identity as a member of ISKCON.

It’s beginning to seem that if I don’t make a decision on this, it will be made for me. One devotee friend of mine was banned from Gita-nagari several years ago, so he finally built a small temple himself, a short walk down the road from the Gita-nagari driveway. Actually he once mentioned to me that his land was a part of the original Gita-nagari purchase, so he considers it also Gita-nagari, though I’m sure the ISKCON leadership would see it differently. Despite being forced out of the main devotee community, this gentleman has remained faithful to Srila Prabhupada and very enthusiastic in his spiritual life. I presume he has some personal flaws like the rest of us, but I admire his determination and demeanor, especially after what he’s been through. Naturally when he called me to announce the opening of his new temple, I was eager to attend.

There were just a few devotees at the temple opening, and ironically I heard later that the Sunday Feast at the ISKCON temple was cancelled that day. Apparently the Gita-nagari Temple President is somewhat infuriated by the existence of this new temple, as evidenced by the fact that one devotee was banned from Gita-nagari for helping announce the event and cooking the feast. Personally I think that taking such measures to deny a faithful follower of Srila Prabhupada the association of devotees on his own property is unbefitting conduct of a Vaisnava and outright cruel. I will never be able to accept such dirty politics among devotees. Oddly enough, for at least the past four years there has been a photo of Srila Prabhupada on the Gita-nagari bulletin board that is captioned with a quote of him saying there is no politics in Vaisnava society. It makes me wonder what kind of society ISKCON has become.

It so happens that I’ve also been wondering if I’ve been blacklisted because of attending a few programs at the “other” temple. A few weeks ago the temple president sent out an e-mail to community members, including several who live out of state, but my wife and I were not on the recipient’s list. Someone forwarded the e-mail to me noting that fact, but I haven’t made an issue of it. I’m still considering it. Furthermore, in the e-mail the TP said he was meeting with the families in the community, but he hasn’t met with us or contacted us about it. I can’t imagine that was an accident. It’s beginning to seem like he doesn’t consider us a part of the community, although we have not been overtly informed of this apparent fact.

I’m a little surprised, because I thought we had a deal. A few months ago he called me aside to discuss the fact that I believe Srila Prabhupada intended to remain the diksa guru for ISKCON. He confirmed that I’m aware of the GBC’s position on the issue, acknowledged my family’s value in the community, and requested that I not preach my view on this subject to existing members in the Gita-nagari community. I accepted his proposal and thought that keeping my end of the deal would be sufficient. Now it seems maybe not. We went to the Sunday Feast last weekend, and my wife had a cordial discussion with the TP’s wife, and I joined in after paying my respects to Srila Prabhupada and the Deities. Though I only briefly saw the TP and didn’t get to speak with him, the vibe we got from him seemed less friendly. I haven’t decided whether I should discuss my concerns with him or just let it go. One thing is that at least two devotees have had articles anonymously published on the Sampradaya Sun in the past several weeks, complaining about Gita-nagari management. It crossed my mind that I could be a suspect in that, but in fact I had nothing to do with any of those articles, nor do I know who did.

On a side note, one of the issues in the matter of ISKCON membership is the acceptance of the GBC’s authority versus the authority of the diksa guru. This is something that remains a question from several angles, and we may see it various ways depending on whether one is wearing the hat of the GBC, the guru, the disciple, or the ISKCON member. As I recall, there was an article and comments on Dandavats.com (heavily moderated, no doubt) a few months ago, and the issue is not resolved. Yes, more than thirty years after Srila Prabhupada’s disappearance, they still haven’t figured out how to balance authority between the GBC and the initiating gurus. There can only be one reason for that problem, which is that Srila Prabhupada didn’t give any guidance on it. It really is an important issue, and I can’t believe Srila Prabhupada would have entirely neglected it, except for one simple reason: He did not intend there to be initiating gurus in ISKCON, other than himself, just as he was doing before. Take that one fact, which is supported by abundant evidence, and the problem ceases to exist.

Of course, my saying that could get me banned from ISKCON, but what can I do? I became an aspiring devotee because of seeking the absolute truth; not for society, friendship, and so-called love. I can’t change my view unless I’m convinced that another view is superior, and the threat to revoke my membership has exactly the opposite effect. What this comes down to is that I like being a part of ISKCON but I don’t depend on ISKCON for my relationship with Srila Prabhupada or with Krishna. If ISKCON wants aspiring devotees like me, I’m here and available along with my family; but if push comes to shove, I’d rather give up my membership than my ideals. Hare Krishna.