Obviously I’ve been going through a lot of changes, facing issues I never thought I would face. Since my introduction to Krishna consciusness almost ten years ago, I knew the goal of my life would be to serve Krishna. When He said to “get some association of My devotees,” I assumed that meant in ISKCON.
I had a lot of assumptions about ISKCON. Studying Srila Prabhupada’s books and then going to find devotees produced a lot of surprises. New Vrindavana in 1997 was a big surprise. Now it seems comical to remember that we thought everyone would be Hare Krishna farmers there. We looked in the back of Bhagavad-gita, and it was listed under “Farm Communities,” and we took it for granted.
I also took it for granted that Hare Krishna devotees would all be perfect moralists. I thought they all knew Krishna better than I did, even recently with the beginners.
Now I don’t know what to think. I’m entering a new era of exploration and self-inquiry. The framework I’ve constructed, based my relationship with ISKCON, has been shattered, and I’m left wondering what to do.
One thing that I know is that Srila Prabhupada knows Krishna. That is my rock upon which I hope to build my home.
P.S. I sheared a sheep today, actually a six-month old Leicester Longwool lamb, but they’re pretty big anyway. It was the sheep’s first shearing, and my first time shearing a sheep. I did it with old-style shears. Tomorrow I plant to shear his brother. It’s a lot easier shearing sheep than shearing our angora goats.